Mar. 11th, 2001

empty

Mar. 11th, 2001 06:57 pm
I'm single.

How are you supposed to tell someone you love "Sorry, I can't go out with you anymore, because I'm going insane"? "Sorry hun, I'm dumping you because I hate myself"?

"I don't want to go out with you anymore because I'm driving myself fucking insane with guilt I can't be the boyfriend you deserve"?

A new week starts tomorrow. I will go swimming every day before work. I will meet friends. I will go places. I will read books. All these plans for my "new" life. I will start to build myself up again, I *have* to.

I am going to have a social life somehow. I am going to smile and laugh and cuddle close friends and be there for people and maybe try to convince my mind that actually if I were run over tomorrow it might make a difference to people.

As fucking if.

Smoke
Lingers round your fingers
Train
Heave on - to Euston
Do you think you've made
The right decision this time?
You left
Your tired family grieving
And you think they're sad because you're leaving
But didn't you see the Jealousy in the eyes
Of the ones who had to stay behind?
And do you think you've made
The right decision this time?
You left
Your girlfriend on the platform
With this really ragged notion that you'll return
But she knows
That when he goes
He really goes
So do you think you've made
The right decision this time?

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