Mar. 27th, 2001

typisch: (rowing)
Um. Sara has gone. It was lovely to see her.

I still feel quite horny. I have been tempted to get in touch with people and invite them for drinks and videos but that would be rather blatant and it's not really me. Pah.

I *am* going to see Becky tomorrow I hope, though, which is really great. :)

I think I've always found women easier to be friends with than men. I am not really sure why this is. Maybe it is some deep-seated desire? But then I fancy men, too - and I certainly shy away from overly attractive men (but as most of them appear to be arseholes anyway I guess that's for the best).

I've always been more comfortable with the idea of having a no-nonsense sexual fling with a guy than a lady, when I think back, and yet right now I don't really hold much interest in men (other than the odd phwoar at the tv) and I'd really like to shag a nice pretty girl stupid. Madness.

Maybe knowing that the average man is even less likely to go for me than the average woman helped that whole 'one night stand' factor? I don't know. I don't feel particularly bisexual right now, though. I'm obsessed with women.

Actually, this is a thing. I've thought for some months now, that whereas it needs a man to have an exceptional figure in order for his body to be beautiful, it's hard to find a woman who doesn't have a beautiful body, in my opinion. The curves, the shadows.. the female form is just damn intrinsically beautiful. Whereas the man's... hair, fat and ugh. I want a perfect body... I don't think much of my own body at all. I'll never have the perfect body.. but maybe I don't need one to get casual sex, after all?

I remain unconvinced, though.

I've always thought I had to trade on my personality to be attractive. (I've never considered my personality attractive either, but I find that a slightly more believable source of other people's attraction to me when it's happened, than my looks).

Do I even have to be attractive if it's just a one-night thing? Am I asking too much of myself (or not enough) or am I just a coward?

(And why am I so sure I want a one-night thing? Because I've never done it before? Because I'm in a nice self-destructive mood?)

Questions, questions. I should get a grip and try to answer some of them.



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